Last night, our Fattey Hockey League (FHL) team dropped two games to fall under .500. The FHL is a summer league where a lot of former college/pro guys play with even more current college/pro guys.
One of my teammates, Cole Donhauser, will be heading to Yale for his freshman year in a couple weeks. I couldn’t help but think about what he is feeling. In the grand scheme of things, it just another August for a hockey player, but this August, I’m sure of it, will be unlike anything he’s experienced.
August has always felt different.
When I was are younger, August seemed to follow May. You finish up your school year and the next thing you know you’re buying composition notebooks and cramming in your summer reading.
As I got older, August began to take on a new meaning.
I was 18 years old and maybe 150 pounds.
In the months since my graduation from St. Francis High School, I had travelled across the Midwest in hopes of securing a roster spot in the USHL. I didn’t know much about the league itself, other than the fact that if you want to play Division 1 college hockey, the USHL was where you needed to play.
Undrafted and fairly unknown, I was invited to the Sioux Falls Stampede tryout camp held at the University of Minnesota. I had caught their eye earlier that spring at an open USHL camp held in Chicago. I had just happened to be placed on the Sioux Falls team and did enough to get myself an invite to the U of M.
Showing up a day late to Minnesota (I couldn’t miss my high school graduation), I had 48 hours to prove my worth. After a couple a scrimmages, I felt okay about where I stood, but it’s difficult to stand out in a tryout scrimmage. Guys have their own agendas, which is understandable, but the type of hockey played in tryout scrimmages wasn’t exactly the type that would shine light on my game.
Thankfully, the coaching staff scheduled a skill skate Saturday night - this was something I knew had to stand out in. I must have done enough because Sunday night I was scanning a posted roster… hoping to find my spot at their main camp. Much like March Madness, the name of the game is surviving and advancing.
So now it’s August 2009. The team had provided me with a workout program and a date to show up in Sioux Falls, South Dakota later that month. Looking back, I was so naive to what I was getting myself into. In just a few short weeks, the family would be cramming into our car and driving 17 hours to a foreign land.
Fresh off two years of playing in the USHL, August 2011 was the beginning of a new chapter. At the end of the month, the family would yet again be cramming into a car, a familiar experience by now, but instead of heading West, we were heading East.
Our destination would be New Haven, CT and Yale University. I never imagined what Yale and the city of New Haven would mean to me.
Showing up on campus, much like showing up to Sioux Falls a couple years before, was a humbling experience. Not only was I beginning my academic career at Yale, but I was preparing to join a team that had held the #1 spot in the country for much of the previous year. Yale Hockey was been on the cusp of something special. You could sense it.
August 2011 was different that any August I had experienced previously. Other than figuring out what dorm I would be in, our who my roommates were, my mind was totally consumed by the Yale Hockey conditioning test.
Shout out to any former Yale Hockey players reading this right now, they know what I’m talking about.
I was a rising junior at Yale University. Just a few months back, Yale Hockey accomplished this:
The months that followed were full of celebration, obviously.
But that summer, and especially August, you begin to feel the pressure. The pressure of being a defending champion. The pressure of expectations.
Seniors graduate and a new class of Yale Hockey players show up on campus. The boys were anxious. We knew the year ahead would be the most difficult season of our careers.
After graduating from Yale in May, I had spent the summer in Connecticut, as I had the previous three.
Instead of training, I was caddying. With my hockey (playing) career in the rearview, my focus turned to my imminent entry into corporate America. I found myself again, in August, feeling a sense of uncertainty about what was ahead.
The nerves weren’t focused on where I’d fit in the lineup or any upcoming conditioning test, but instead, nerves of the real world. What will it be like to get up and go to work? What will it be like to not have hockey in my life? How much does the Subway cost?
By the end of August 2015 I was lugging my possessions into New York City, staying on a buddy’s couch until we would move into our apartment in Mid-September. Just little different than any August I had experienced.
Another August and another life transition.
The nerves, the jitters and the uncertainty still very much the same, but overshadowed by a the sense of opportunity and fresh ice. There’s no doubt that leaving the corporate world to focus on what I am truly passionate about is a risk.
But the risk of not doing something, the risk of not taking back control, that was the risk I am trying to avoid.
- Dayzer
FRIDAY TEASE: I am playing golf with a great friend, a former Yale legend, a current Toronto Maple Leafs forward, Kenny Agostino. We’ll have some on-course content and a glimpse into how a pro handles their August.